My parents sent me my last care package, before it’s my turn to start shipping things home. I’m going to miss care packages! They are such delightful things to receive in the mail. This package had English magazines and cake mixes for my English Club girls, vitamins, cleaning essentials, my favorite gum, and a picture of the cutest niece. Okay, I’m partial:)
I am always coming into school with pictures of things at the grocery store going, “Kore wa nandesu ka?” (What is this?) Today one of my favorite teachers who got transferred in the spring to a new school – boo hoo – came over to teach me a few Japanese recipes. It was amazing. Check out the badass knife she brought with her. I NEED THIS. I could not only finely dice vegetables with this knife, but could also shave my legs with this blade. It’s incredible.
Even better, that is gobō (burdock root) in the bowl, that weird dirty root that I once bought months ago and then never made anything with it.
Years ago in Vermont, I followed a very cute field naturalist on his weekend Survivalist retreat. (Ahh, the things we find fun in Vermont, and this was even pre-Hunger Games.) We made fire by hand, practiced with a longbow, foraged for wild edibles, and made dinner from dandelions, roots, and beans. He showed absolutely zero interest in me at all, maybe because my longbow skills were decent but I would die in the woods if I had to subsist on finding wild edibles, which was obviously his passion.
I remember kneeling with him in a grassy patch in the woods, as he dangled a dirty, ugly little root in front of my face, explaining if I was lost or living off the land and needed to survive, I could eat this. This being burdock root. So to see it being sold in the grocery stores in Japan always made me giggle and think: it is a sign. I HAVE TO MAKE SOMETHING WITH THIS.
And today we did.
Kinpira gobō. Oishikatta desu.
Saturday, June 8
I decided that it’s a matter of choices. Choices make life more fun. I don’t appreciate them enough as an indecisive person. This detox is limiting. I am cutting out a lot of my everyday choices most days for the month of June.
So when my first Saturday – our free day on this month long detox – rolled around, I was pumped.
Morning: Yaaaaawn. I get up at 5:15 a.m. again for an early morning kettlebell workout. I make some eggs for workout energy. If I lift weights in the a.m., I need some protein.
After our workout lifting lots of heavy things and jumping rope and push-ups, I excitedly ask Eric about his day.
What fun foods are you eating on your free day?
His answer: The same things as the past few days.
In fact, he looks confused by the question. This is definitely not something that he’s been plotting for days, like moi.
Then, he then tells me not to go overboard today.
Pffffffft! That’s…not going to happen.
I get back to Takaoka around 9 a.m. and bike to the grocery store with visions of buying two frozen pizzas in my head. Even though it is only 9 a.m., it feels like lunchtime to me.
However, it doesn’t open for another half hour. Minor melt-down in the closed grocery store parking lot. I go home and eat my bread (my Monday present) and make a watery chocolate banana protein “drink.” I wasn’t good enough to be called a smoothie.
Afternoon: I never make it to the grocery store in the morning because I skype with friends back home for, like, four hours. Buuuut I make a satisfying concoction from things I find in my kitchen for lunch: sausage, pasta, marinara sauce, and parmesan cheese.
Late Afternoon: I go to the grocery store in the mall, and pass by free iced coffee from Starbucks. Since I feel like I was just at rehab for caffeine addiction last week, I can’t drink any this month. I just can’t. So, I walk by. I walk back by. I stop. I stare. I take a picture of it. Then I force myself to WALK AWAY.
Instead, I high-tail it to Mister Donut for not one, but two, delicious doughnuts.
I can’t even make it home. I sit on my bike in the parking lot and eat both of them, licking the sugar off each finger. Like anything really good and indulgent, it’s over too soon. I want another one, but force myself to bike home.
Evening: Go out to Indian with Melissa and Alex. Naan happened.
And I have a beer. Oops. At least it wasn’t a coffee.
They are going to watch a movie after dinner, but a food-coma sets in for me. I can’t hang. And I fall asleep before 10 p.m. What a Saturday though!
I was at a party, drinking rum-infused lemonade and eating a rice-cooker cake slathered in Nutella, when I agreed to do this detox with three other teachers.
I knew little details and had never done a detox in my life, but readily agreed to this month-long pact in June.
Go figure.
It was appealing in the way a bride freakishly prepares for her wedding day. WE HAVE OUR HOMECOMING IN TWO MONTHS. I wanted to reverse the aging effects that culture shock had on my thirtysomething body, literally overwhelm myself with nutrients, that would lead everyone to believe that Japan actually possessed certain magical youth powers. My willpower would be strengthened by healthy eating allies.
Also, living in Japan requires of total submission to any control you think you have. In a way, this was reclaiming our power.
So I thought.
THE PLAN.
The other teachers are actually doing a more extreme diet than myself. Lots of vegetables and protein. No fruit. No flour. No legumes. No sugar. (But they can have cheese and coffee, unlike me.) I wanted to be able to eat beans and lentils over here.
Eric, another teacher and our diet sensei suggested I detox before starting anything. (In retrospect: Why did I listen to him?) The first week would be eliminating all the things we know are bad for you.
NO ALCOHOL
NO WHEAT PRODUCTS
NO DAIRY
NO SUGARS (fruit, okay)
NO PROCESSED FOODS
NO CAFFEINE
Alcohol. The beer in Japan is NO Hill Farmstead Ale. I would have no trouble giving up alcohol for one month.
Wheat products, processed foods, and dairy. Not popular in Japan anyway.
Sugar. Okaaaay. This one I like.
Caffeine. Despite drinking more water and green tea, I always go back to coffee. The hardest.
Verdict: I thought it would be difficult but doable.
WEEK ONE: A WAKE UP CALL.
Culture shock + illiteracy + working with just under 900 high school students a week requires a certain feverish stamina. Little did I know that I was surviving my days in Japan on massive amounts of tea, coffee, chocolate, cookies, rice, and frozen pizzas and only a little bit of vegetables and lean protein.
My first five days of this detox were HELL. I had all sort of withdrawal symptoms. Sharp headaches that lasted days. Fatigue. Insomnia. Irritability. Overly-overly-dramatic mood swings. Often times, I felt like what I imagined a heroin addict going through in the first few days, even though I’ve never touched any hard drugs (unless you count CAFFEINE and SUGAR).
I’d think, Is this what Eric Clapton went through? (Who’s read Pattie Boyd’s biography Wonderful Tonight: George Harrison, Eric Clapton, and Me?!?!) See, I’m dramatic.
I felt rough. The workouts that I had finally built up the stamina to do almost-daily ceased to exist. I would slowly bike home from work and collapse onto my futon.
Cheese, some cocoa powder, a little peanut butter, a small amount of maple syrup, and a bit of flour in the form of okonomiyaki batter made its way into my “detox” diet but I stayed off caffeine.
Small victories.
Here’s the nitty-gritty.
PRE-DETOX: The Last Supper
Friday evening: We agree to meet up for beer, burgers, fries and onion rings at SXSW in Toyama City for our “Last Supper” as we were calling it.
Followed up by walking around (and eating more) at a festival down the street.
Nomnomnomnom. I got back to Takaoka stuffed and ready to conquer detox day 1.
DAY 1: Of course, there’s a party tonight!
Saturday, June 1
Morning: My alarm goes off at 5:15 a.m. I drink some herbal tea and eat one hardboiled egg. I didn’t make them very well, so the yolk is kind of gooey. Blech. Catch the train to Kosugi for an early morning kettleball workout with some other teachers.
I keep asking if this is Crossfit, and they keep saying no, but it feels like it. I won’t get into the details because whenever I read a Crossfit workout as a non-Crossfiter, my eyes glaze over. We did stations. Lots of squats. Lots of kettlebell swings. Something called Farmer’s Walks. Push-ups. Pull-ups. Some sprints, except I only sprinted about 10 feet before my quadriceps seized up. I sit and stretch while the others sprint.
Afterwards, I eat the whites from two more eggs since the yolks are not cooked all the way though. Drink more water. I go to over to Eric’s because he has the best blender in the prefecture and make enough smoothies for the next five days. The smoothies are random: strawberries, bananas, grapefruit, golden kiwi fruit, hemp protein powder, coconut oil, dates, ice, and water.
Afternoon: Salmon, salad, and lentils for lunch. I made My New Roots Best Lentil Salad vinaigrette. It’s good. I can hang with this salad.
Evening: Melissa and Diem text me from The Art Thing that they didn’t bring enough food. They need me to bring some snacks. I eat some baked chicken, cucumber, and green beans at home, then bike to the cafe with with broccoli, egg whites, and salad.
At The Art Thing. SO MANY TEMPTATIONS. Pizza. Fries. Fried chicken. Beer. I drink water and eat some green beans. By this time, 12 plus hours without caffeine, I have developed a dull throbbing headache. People keep asking why we aren’t eating and drinking. Melissa and I feel like LAME-O’s explaining to everyone about our month-long healthy eating pact.
DAY 2: Of course, there is a birthday party this afternoon!
Sunday, June 2
Morning: Drink my smoothie (ahhh, it’s thin but refreshing) and meet Melissa and Chelsea in the park for yoga. The headache persists. I want coffee.
Afternoon: Make lentils, eggs, and roasted broccoli for lunch. An hour later, I am still hungry, so before heading to Alex’s birthday party at the beach I have a piece of chicken. I arrive to see two swiss roll cakes, crackers, potato chips, and beverages covering an entire picnic table. I stare at the cake while I eat green beans and almonds. I don’t think I have EVER not eaten a piece of anyone’s birthday cake.
Evening: The group is going out to eat at a non-healthy friendly restaurant, so Melissa and I split off and decide that going out for okonomiyaki “should” be okay. It has a little flour, but otherwise full of vegetable and meat….
It is so f-cking good that we order a second one.
Later that night, I drink more herbal caffeine, but my headache lingers on.
DAY3: Of course, there is omiyage on my desk!
Monday, June 3
Morning: Another smoothie and more herbal tea. I still want coffee. It feels like no amount of herbal tea will do the trick. It never becomes coffee-ier.
I bike to work and see omiyage on my desk. It’s some weird cosmic Monday morning detox test. A teacher left me a yummy looking piece of bakery bread. Droooool, and yet I can’t eat it. This is when I realize that if I did not have other people with me in this “game” I would eat that piece of bread. With coffee. Right now. Detox. Over. (Instead, I stash it in my bag and freeze it later that day to eat on my FREE DAY this Saturday.)
Late morning: Snack on more herbal tea and almonds.
Afternoon: Salmon, lentils, and salad. The dressing doesn’t taste as good as before. I need a new vinaigrette.
Evening: Dee hosts a healthy dinner. It’s DIVINE, full of a bunch of healthy dishes that I have no idea how to make but find delicious. Kimchi tofu soup. Chinese beef and broccoli. Hardboiled eggs with a tamarind dipping spice. Some kind of flavorful sauteed chicken.
Headache still lingers…
DAY 4: I’m tired.
Tuesday, June 4
Morning: Smoothie and tea. I still want coffee. Busy morning teaching…no time for a snack. I take a bathroom break and go out of my way to stare at the coffee vending machine.
Afternoon: I’m hungry. I still have a slight headache. Luckily, lunch is a good one. Lentils, 101 cookbook’s orange chicken (sans maple syrup), asparagus, and green beans.
Late afternoon: Another piece of chicken and seltzer water.
I put on yoga clothes, sit down and fall asleep for an hour and a half.
Evening: I wake up hungry from my nap. Try to make an almond flour okonomiyaki. Epic fail. I flush it down the toilet. Eat another piece of chicken, a cucumber, and peanut butter. I find some parmesan cheese in the back of my refrigerator, and even though there is no dairy on this detox, I think that parmesan is a hard cheese, therefore better for you than soft cheeses? Right? Easier to digest even for lactose intolerant folks? Eat half of the block while browsing blogs for new recipes to make on this diet instead of the bland food I’ve been eating.
Then make myself workout. I do some weights for chest and arms from a 1993 workout video. Is that officially a “classic” in workout video lingo?
Late evening: Make a protein shake with a banana, water, protein powder, peanut butter, and some cinnamon.
DAY 5: I’m even more tired.
Wednesday, June 5
Morning: Smoothie and tea. Boring.
Late morning: Chicken and lentils. Boring.
Afternoon: Real okonomiyaki, made with a little bit of real flour and lots of cabbage. NOT BORING.
Evening: Sausage and broccoli. I have intense chocolate cravings, so I take to looking at old pictures of my baked goods. Especially the decadent chocolate cake I baked last year with Jen for the Downton Abbey Season Two finale. To Instagram or to not Instagram? It’s not even a real question because who cares about this cake I made over a year ago?
It gets Instagrammed.
Afterwards, I get sleepy again and fall asleep from 6:30 p.m. – 9: 45 p.m. What the whaaaaat? I never need naps.
Late evening: I wake up, do some yoga (Body by Bethenny), clean, pack my lunch, shower, and make a protein mug brownie to curb my chocolate cravings. Pre-detox I would think it tastes horrible, but now, I sit in the dark and creepily whisper to myself, This is amazing.
DAY 6: I’m grumpy.
Thursday, June 6
Morning: Out of smoothies (NOOOOO!) and my blender can’t even properly puree a ripe banana, so I make eggs and throw in leftover vegetables and sausage.
Afternoon: Sports Day school bento. I forgot I had signed up for one. I’m giddy with delight. RICE! MYSTERIOUS FRIED THINGS!
Evening: Salmon, broccoli, and more leftover okonomiyaki. I do some more of the 1993 workout video, but felt sort of blah and grumpy. Afterwards, I make another protein mug brownie. It’s even more amazing than yesterday because I add a scoop of peanut butter on top. I am feeling a little guilty that most of what I ate today is probably not detox appropriate….
Call Eric.
Are you eating lentils? No.
Are you eating nuts? No.
Are you eating dairy? No.
Do you have any headaches? Not really.
UGHHHHHHHHHH.
DAY 7: The longest week ever. Thank God It’s Friday.
Friday, June 7
Morning: Omelet with two whole eggs and two egg whites.
Afternoon: Salmon, broccoli, and cabbage. Bland. So bland. I need to find some new recipes.
Late afternoon: I had four classes and a quick lunch. I’m hungry and thirsty and tired. Make a banana-peanut butter-protein powder shake. Contemplate going for a run, but after being riddled with headaches and fatigue for most of the week, I decide to just relax and download the most recent issue of Us Weekly on my iPad.
Evening: Chicken cooked with some fresh orange juice, soy sauce, mirin, ginger, and garlic with green beans. I think I have eaten four pounds of green beans this week…
COMING NEXT: Tomorrow we can have a free day. I’ve been plotting my free day food for days now. It involves zero chicken or green beans and a doughnut, cake, and naan. Then, next week I cut out fruit. EEEEEEK. Ganbarimasu, ne.
Inspiration!! Eric Clapton, clean and happy, playing Layla. The song was supposedly originally written to profess his love for Pattie Boyd in 1970. When Boyd rebuffed his advances later that year, Clapton fell into heroin addiction and self-imposed exile for the next three years.
I’ve had a long week with no sugar, no white flour, no caffeine, and no chocolate. Headaches. Fatigue. Yesterday, I came home from work and took a three-hour nap. Luckily, today I felt human again.
I’d been hearing that Taiiku Taikai (Sports Day) is the most fun day of school for the past ten months. AT LAST. I am still thinking of how I would best describe it…..track meet marries high school musical?
It’s an all-day event, starting with an opening ceremony (of course) and stretching. Followed by: 100 m, 200 m, 400 m, 800 m, and 1500 m races. Relay races. Tug-of-war. Something where students made human pyramids and tried to play capture the flag. Massive jump rope contests. Dance-offs and poster panel contests.
Ending with awards and a closing ceremony (of course).
My students worked so hard for weeks and weeks – practicing dance moves, perfecting their relay hand-offs, and making their own costumes (YES) – so I was beyond impressed to see them in action. It was a very memorable day in Japan. And I got a mini-detox break in the form of a Sports Day lunch bento!
On Saturday, I had The Art Thing. On Sunday, a group of us went to the Amaharashi coast for Alex’s birthday. It is a suuuuuper gorgeous and relaxing stretch of beach facing the sea of Japan, only 37 minutes away. It was my first visit and I felt like I was in The Goonies. Will have to come back again with my real camera.
On Thursday we have our big Taiiku Taikai (Sports Day) at school. I am not exactly sure what the actual day will behold; but for weeks and weeks, my students have been practicing their dancing and making costumes and basically living at school. It’s been impressive to witness.
My favorite is this second year class. Lately, I have been going out to the courtyard to eat lunch, while they practice the Thiller Zombie dance. I’m a huge Michael Jackson fan, so I’m going to be sad when lunch becomes less exciting next week.
Zombie dance.
The best music video of all time.
